Schools are about to close. Some already have. We are getting into the three to four week period when all our children are home. This is a time of joy for some and dread for others. Deportation to grandma’s is very common and so is grounding. And through all this, our children will be watching and learning from us.

How will you stay connected to, or relate with, your kids this holiday?

For parents of 0 to 7 year old children, you may invest in toys, books and some music. Teach them basic household chores – it’s good for them. Organise play dates with like-minded parents. Come up with reasons to take a drive and play “I spy with my little eye…”. Have fun.

The pre-teen aged 8 to 12 years has their own opinion on how the holiday should be spent. If you’re lucky, you may have some ideas in common. Grab a hold of those and execute! If you are not so lucky, have a conversation. Agree on the middle ground and take this opportunity to teach some life skills, especially if you sense some attitude coming your way. You’ll recognise it in “But Muuuummm…!!” Reconnect your cable TV if you had disconnected it. Stock up on airtime for “bundles”. Ensure there’s Wi-Fi. Even if you don’t, your neighbour will. The pre-teen is the new teen.

Parents of teenagers are probably the ones biting their nails and scratching their heads the most. The teen is the new “adult”. They’re “grown-up” and they “know what they are doing.” They “know how to take care of themselves.” Some are coming home from boarding school while their day scholar friends are waiting eagerly for them. There are notes to be shared. Catching up to do. Fridges to be raided. Hangouts to have. Little white lies to tell to parents who do not understand their need to go out. Boyfriends or girlfriends to catch up with, make up with or break up with. New restaurants and clubs to try out. Apps to download. Selfies to take. Updates to be made. The malls have missed them and so have Uber drivers – so there are actually some people waiting to welcome your teenagers with open arms and connect with them.

Here are some tips to take charge and survive the next month:

1. Spend time with them. You do not qualify to say “I just don’t get teenagers” when you are not taking time to listen.
2. Agree to disagree. You will not see eye to eye on everything and that’s ok. You are their parent not their peer.
3. Win some, lose some. Be clear on your non-negotiables then let them get some of their way. It teaches them negotiating skills and shows them they matter.
4. Try get along with them. They are not aliens in need of locking up until they become human adults. They need your friendship and guidance. They avoid telling you stuff because they don’t trust you. When you’ve won their trust, the sailing is much smoother.
5. Trust them a little more. Hear them out and hold them accountable. Release them a little bit while being clear on the consequences of any broken rule.
6. Invite their friends over. Why not have your house as one of the hangout spaces? Get a barbeque going – or even better, let them do it. And be present. Or have trusted chaperones present.
7. Help them explore their passions. It could be sports or music or art. Ask them, then encourage and support them to do it.
8. Let them know they are unique. Do not compare them with their siblings and peers or even worse – with yourself “when you were their age”. It hurts.

More than anything else, this holiday and in the many days to come, always call your kids or teens to greatness. Show them how to set higher standards for themselves. Teach values relevant to their future – values they can own for themselves. Help them imagine a future that’s too great to be messed up by some holiday shenanigans. And be there to point the way or help them up when they fall.