It is often said that it takes a village to raise a child. However, the village analogy is slowly fading into oblivion as we no longer have villages to identify with. In Kenya, we call it ‘ushago’. We now live in estates and gated communities. Neighbourhoods that do not seem to care what happens next door as long as the watchman at the main gate will be available to open the gate at our first tooting of the horn.

We are still having children though. And they are growing up. And some universal truths will never change. Man being a social being will always thrive in a society. Whoever came up with the saying about it taking a village to raise a child had village experience. That was their society. What is your child’s current society?

It still takes a village to raise a child. So who is in your child’s village?

The traditional village was made up of family. Men and women, boys and girls – related to each other, and of varying ages. Each age set had a role to play in another age set’s life. The elderly provided wisdom; the parents, aunts and uncles provided discipline and guidance. The older cousins gave the younger ones something ‘cool’ to aspire to, while the youngest of the village were the responsibility of anyone older than them. They also made the elderly feel young again – what with their innocence and playfulness without a care in the world. And these symbiotic relationships thrived.

Moving on to our estates and gated communities – security risks have become the topic of the day. So our children are warned about who not to talk to, whom not to be seen with and whose house they cannot go into. Sound familiar? And just like that, a social being is forced to exist in a society of one – one family, one school, one church. One self.

Unsurprisingly, as they get into their teen years, they go out in search of their village. They need wisdom and guidance. They need a sense of significance. They need an identity. They are aspiring to be someone in life and need a role model who ‘gets’ them. They still need their village.

The village also knows it is needed. It is therefore available online – as it is increasingly difficult to find it offline. There will be a friend in a chat room who gets your child and totally understands what they are going through. If they need to vent, there will be someone on the other end of a Snapchat or Whatsapp chat to tell them it will be okay. Or to share ideas on how to handle their situation. There will be someone defining how they should dress and a forum available to prove they are doing it. Offline, the malls are available for some shopping therapy – and guilty parents are funding the sprees. After all, it gets the teenager out of their hair for a couple of hours, doesn’t it?

Consequences of this search for a village by our young people have led to addictions. Not just the traditional ones of alcoholism, drug abuse and pornography. But also addictions to gaming, gambling and shopping. All these at an increasingly young age. The village is being found online – on various sites, and offline – in malls and clubs. And the village is providing the ‘badges’ one needs to prove they belong to that village. And just like that, an entire generation is slowly moving into their village of choice.

It still takes a village to raise a child. Are you able to intentionally define that village for your child while they are still young? If you don’t, they will define it for themselves a little later in life. Why? They need the village. And the village needs them.

It still takes a village to raise a child. Who is in your child’s village?