Our teens are stuck. Our youth are stuck.

They know that growing up is something to look forward to, but they are too anxious about what they will find when they get there. Those who have recently got there are not happy or excited about what they have found.

For example, many young people do not know what their career of choice will be. Or if it’s even okay to have several careers. They have no idea if they will succeed or not – whatever success means. They feel ill-equipped to survive adulthood. And guess what? Many of them are indeed ill-equipped to survive adulthood. They are not ready to grow up. They were looking forward to “turning 18 and moving out” or “finishing ‘uni’ and getting their own ‘crib’” but have realised that it’s not that simple.

They have come through childhood being told to “grow up” or “act like a grown up” without the right examples of what that looks like. Why? When they look at the grownups around them, most have not modelled a lifestyle they can aspire to. Sad, but true.

What does it actually take to be a grown up? The physical growing up is somewhat automatic – so that’s not it. Growth, or maturity, is mental, physical, social, emotional and spiritual. ‘Grown up’ is a term wrongfully used for people who have matured physically, whereas maturity in all other areas completes the ‘grown up’.

So does it mean that being grown up is all about taking responsibility? Is it about how we behave? Wealth acquired? A job? A family? Kids of your own? A place of your own? (By the way…why is a home called a Crib – which is what we used to call babies’ beds? Hmmm. Go figure.)

Or is being ‘grown up’ about drunken hangovers? No ‘curfew’? Partying till the am hours? Sex on call and booze on tap? Smoking or inhaling any of 10 different substances?

Is growing up about slogging at a job you hate, a boss you dislike more than the job, and having nothing to show for it? Or is it about milking all opportunities to make money while you can? Is it ‘your turn to eat’?

Is growing up about giving your time and money to a religious cause, organisation or parson (aka (wo)man-of-God), while you forbid the ‘demons’ and ‘devil’ from attacking your family? Denying your kids quality/quantity time, but having enough time for meetings, vigils and crusades? [Many young people are hurting in the name of religion and the seeking of ‘righteousness’.]

Let’s face it. Even when we, especially those 35 years and above, were growing up and thinking about the ‘stuff’ that ‘grownups’ do, there were some sensible adults around to point us in what we now recognise as the right direction. We did not necessarily follow their advice, but it was there all the same, and in constant supply. Whether we liked it or not. I know I had many voices in my life – and I also know I did not take heed of many of the things they told or taught me. It’s part of ‘growing up’.

The lesson however, is often learnt, no matter long it takes. I have learnt my fair share along my journey on this road of life.

How about you? What lessons have you learnt? And are you willing to be the adult voice in a youth’s, teen’s or kid’s life? Would you be willing to get them unstuck by being the voice of reason, encouragement, and even admonishment? By being in their cheering squad or their village?

What will it take to achieve this?

1. Be willing to accept your own past, both good and bad – you were once a kid or teen, confused and anxious about the road ahead.
2. Be ready to share the lessons from your experiences without fear – it will show that you are also human.
3. Be on a road to some dream – it will show them the journey of life continues.
4. Be a recipient of other voices in your life – you need to show that you too, listen to others.
5. Be willing to listen to their opinion – they too, have something to say – these are ‘their days’ not ‘your days’, right?

Show them how to make decisions – about their lives, learning and loving. About seeking remuneration, rest and relationships. Teach them how to pray, to play and to pay it forward.

Mentor a kid, teen or youth.

Help get them unstuck.